Learning to Single-Task

Hallway mural to inspire cleaning...one of these days.

I have long known myself to vacillate between two strong character traits: procrastination and multi-tasker extraordinaire. I know, they seem like opposites and to some extent that's true. On the other hand, at least for me they both stem from a similar place. I have to insert my favorite joke here about procrastination as ironically it could apply to both aforementioned traits. "What do masturbation and procrastination have in common? They are both fun while doing them, but in the end, you're only fucking yourself." So true. As I mentioned, it applies to multi-tasking as well. Sure, multi-tasking hides behind the guise of look how amazing and efficient I am being, but really although you may get a bunch of crap done, you end up exhausted with most likely a bunch of crap not done to its best. Also, as much as women in particular have been brain washed by society to think multi-tasking is something to be proud of, is it really?

One of the concepts that is pretty heavily focused on by Jay Shetty in general is the advocacy for single tasking, for a multitude of reasons. First, the logical reason: you can't really do multiple things at literally the same time, so you end up dividing your energy and focus between multiple things, meaning multiple things never get 100% of your focus or attention on them and the more you are bouncing between the smaller percentage of your talents is actually being applied. Then of course there is the physical aspect: running around doing multiple things, seemingly simultaneously, when in fact it is just running around shifting direction of space and physical exertion which let's be honest, unless you are still 19, is exhausting. Lastly for purposes of this observance is the psychological: you have now split your emotional energy like a god damn horcrux and for what? To impress a spouse? Society at large? To what end does it actually benefit anyone to run yourself down psychologically by not actually allowing any real time for connection or engagement with anything you are doing? Sure, you got some stuff done, but even the mundane like housework, does bring more of sense of accomplishment when done the way that makes you feel calm, satisfied and dare I say happy? (clearly, I don't want to admit it makes me happy to do actual housework, but in my defense, I am a Virgo and if and when I actually dust or clean the windows - fuck yes it makes me happy, because dammit it looks better!) Back to the concept of single tasking in its simplest form: focusing on one task at a time, dedicating your full attention to it until completion, and minimizing distractions. ok. Easy enough to wrap your head around when related to "work." But what about relationships, or life in general?

So, I have been spending some serious time wrapping my noggin' around this concept, literal soul that I am, and it is funny the impact it is having on me. Case in point today my husband and I were heading out to what has become a favorite date of ours - grabbing the travel dominoes and heading to Round Table Pizza in Healdsburg - and I realized I had not emailed a coachee her homework yet. While Brodie was running in to turn in winning lotto tickets for new ones, I found myself remembering I had not yet done this task and was not able to via my trusted side kick - my phone. I found that familiar sensation tingling at me, and I started to obsess a bit. About 3 minutes later as he starts to get back into the car I turned to him and asked if he would mind dropping me back at home and going to put gas in his car while I handled this "tingle" that had set in. Sure, he said, no problem. He dropped me at home, went to get gas for Anastasia and I was able to email said coachee her homework and stop the "tingle" from transforming from a tiny anxiety into an all-encompassing distraction from our date. Seemingly not a big deal, but in fact it was for me. Because a mere few months ago I wouldn't have though to ask. I would have gone on our date and halfway there would have gone through some exhaustive exercise whilst half-listening to my husband and figured out a way to send from my trusty Samsung Galaxy Fold5 and gotten it done. Stressing myself out. Feeling rude and appropriately so to my husband. Then hitting pizza and dominos feeling stressed out and distracted.

By slowing my mind down just for 3 minutes, making a few adjustments, a few minutes delay, all still happened that needed to, but in a totally different way. Email got sent off with ease. Giggles ensued on the ride down as I was 100% present and was able to be myself, I am pretty sure my husband could tell I was there in the moment with him, not thinking about other crap. Other than the brief moment of "dammit Jim" when some guy was sitting in our booth (as if! ok fine it's not legally owned by us per se, but in all fairness this was the first time we have gone, and it wasn't available) and we got our lil personal pizzas ordered and had an awesome time. The best part was I was hugely aware while we were playing what an awesome time I was having because I wasn't thinking about the cleaning that needed doing, the weeds out front that still need pulling, the litter box that was awaiting when we would get home. I was allowing myself to be present. The mural I painted on our hallway will always remind me about the cleaning that never ends. My rainbow themed colored pages I downloaded off Etsy will get filled out tomorrow morning as I now do every Monday morning to start the week and not allow panic to set in and ya, I am learning to fill them in with pencil so I can change or update as needed.

The secret I am finding for me to embrace this concept of single tasking is how I try to approach most of my life these days, by turning it into a game and making it fun. Taking an often-needed deep breath, figure out what I want to get done first and do that (even if that thing is masturbating). The rest can take their turn in line and trust me, if the things are meant to get done they will. I suppose the point I want to make here is this, we are all currently living in an emotional shit show here in the US, and there is no calm that will come from the government or this country in the next few years. Work still needs to be done, children if ya got 'em still need all they need, and despite what I am sure one day will be an amazing number of benefits from AI - AI will never hold you, kiss your forehead or truly understand as only a human can the glory of kicking your husband's ass at dominos, the list is long. So, you may as well at least give a think about single tasking more often, because if you are an adult your "inbox" will never be empty again. Until you've taken your last breath and I don't care who you are or what life you are living - you deserve to enjoy it, in whatever way you can - because despite all the great advances, no one is getting out of here alive, and no one can make it enjoyable for you; except you.